How Dungeons & Dragons Can Transform Your Parenting Skills, According to One Dad
Growing up in Keller, Texas, I was one of those kids who spent countless hours immersed in Dungeons & Dragons. My brother often took on the role of the dungeon master, while I relished the chance to cast fireballs as a wizard in tight spaces.
Fast forward to the pandemic years, I found myself teaching my son and 15 other kids in our Kansas City, Missouri, neighborhood how to play this iconic role-playing game, co-created by Gary Gygax in 1974. In this adventure, I became their dungeon master, crafting stories and guiding them through imaginative realms.
What began as a way to keep entertained during COVID evolved into an unexpected parenting tool. Long campaigns prompted ethical discussions: Should we interrogate the barkeep or raid his tavern? Would the kids become “murder hobos,” a term for those who indiscriminately attack others in the game?
Shelly Mazzanoble, author of the upcoming book How to Dungeon Master Parenting: A Guidebook for Gamifying the Child-Rearing Quest, Leveling Up Your Skills, and Raising Future Adventurers, understands the parenting lessons that can emerge from playing D&D. The book is set to be released on November 12.
“Dungeon masters embody some of the best human traits,” Mazzanoble notes. “They are generous, kind, collaborative, and open-minded—and they have the coolest accessories!”
In light of D&D’s 50th anniversary, I spoke with Mazzanoble about how parents can incorporate the game’s principles into their parenting practices. Here’s an edited and condensed version of our conversation.
CNN: How do the roles of dungeon master and parent compare?
Shelly Mazzanoble: D&D is a collaborative storytelling experience where the dungeon master leads players into the unknown. While dungeon masters thrive on uncertainty, parents often fear it. Yet, much like dungeon masters, parents can embrace that unpredictability.
When my son was around five or six, I realized that if I could adopt those same qualities as a parent, I would be much more effective. It dawned on me: why not approach parenting like a dungeon master navigates a D&D game? Why can’t parenting be a collaborative journey where we co-create our story?
CNN: How should a parent begin this journey?
Mazzanoble: Start with what we call “session zero,” where players gather to discuss character creation. For parents, this means assembling your support network. Talk about your parenting goals and how you envision raising your child. It’s surprising how many parents never discuss key issues, like pacifier use or discipline methods. Are you going for time-outs, or will grounding be your strategy?
CNN: You emphasize the importance of collaboration. What do you mean by that?
Mazzanoble: Collaboration is vital. If I’m not the rogue—a class in D&D known for stealth and cunning—I won’t attempt to pick that lock. Instead, I support the rogue by keeping watch or distracting a guard. Similarly, involve your children in discussions and decision-making, granting them autonomy while offering support as they grow.
CNN: Parenting can feel isolating. How can you find your “fellow adventurers”?
Mazzanoble: Finding your parenting tribe is essential. These are the people who understand your struggles and won’t mind if you forget to reply to their texts. Look for groups at your local hospital or early childhood intervention services. Many cities host new parent support groups. Building this network is crucial.
CNN: New parents often judge themselves harshly. How can they regroup to face another day of parenting?
Mazzanoble: Embrace failure as a chance to rewrite your story. Normalize the experience of failing. I probably stumble multiple times a day with my child, but rather than viewing it as a failure, I see it as a part of our evolving story.
CNN: Can you explain “sandbox framing,” and how does it relate to D&D and parenting?
Mazzanoble: Sandbox framing is the idea that amidst chaos, there is also control. In D&D, you create a world as you go. As a parent, you establish a safe space for your child to explore, observing where their journey takes them. You’re there to guide their adventure, ensuring they have fun while learning.
CNN: Today’s kids face challenges their parents never did. How can role-playing help them develop necessary skills?
Mazzanoble: We role-play in various situations, teaching our kids empathy. For instance, I might ask my son what he would do if he saw a classmate struggling to make friends. Through D&D, he experiences the outcomes of his choices, understanding how his actions impact others and shape his future.
By using the principles of Dungeons & Dragons, parents can cultivate a more engaging and effective approach to raising their children.